To Count it a Privilege

What is it about some married couples that makes it obvious to everyone around them that they just click? I love to see a couple who really enjoy one another. Years ago, we had the privilege of having one of those exceptional couples stay in our home for a week. From the moment they stepped through our front door, within the first few minutes of welcoming them, we could see there was just something special about these two. And I am going to share with you their story and the effect it had on our lives. It was a rainy Saturday afternoon when they arrived. (You must understand that in the ministry it seems like someone is always arriving! Someone coming to preach a meeting or present a mission field or even those who are just passing by and need a place to stay for a few days…or weeks.) As soon as the typical couple enters-the men will talk “Man talk.” Usually if the visitor is not from New York, he will still be rattled from the experience of driving through the city. He might remark that, he “doesn’t know how anyone could live here”-leveling looks at us like we were crazy to do so. In Christian tactfulness my good husband would ignore the comment and respond in a gentlemanly manner by asking, “Were the directions I sent you clear?” At this juncture, inevitably the wife would hijack the conversation -always an anticipated moment if our kids were around! She would proceed to undo the unfortunate fellow in front of us all, agitating him even more than he already was with comments such as, “He got us lost so many times! I kept telling him to follow the directions Bro. Graf sent-but he wouldn’t listen!” And they would continue to parlay for the next few minutes. Great fun to observe, but I digress…

This couple, on that rainy Saturday was different. An older couple-a gentleman and a lady- they quickly stepped into our entryway. He removed his hat and then, before she had the need to wrestle with her umbrella, he gently slipped it out of her hands, closed it and asked if it would be all right to set it down someplace. Then he helped her remove her coat. My husband had a cozy fire going and the house smelled of fresh dinner rolls and a perfect chicken dinner for such a day. Our daughter Jennifer was nineteen at the time and she joined the four of us in the living room, for what I thought was going to be a nice, little, typical chat. We had only been getting to know each other a little while when my husband remarked that it was so refreshing to see an older couple treat each other so sweetly. As for my husband and I, we have always believed that a married couple should just love and cherish each other more as the years go by. Better enjoy all the moments the Lord gives you. I will never forget the answer the gentleman gave that afternoon. Nor will I forget the pained expressions on both their faces. “Seldom,” he began in his soft Texan drawl, “do you ever appreciate each other the first time around. Once you lose someone precious to you, someone with whom you have been through all the ups and downs of life-you know better. And if the Lord, in his grace gives you someone else to share these lingering moments of life with…then this time you are wide awake. This time you listen to every word. You enjoy. You do for each other for as long as God allows.” Jen and I were sitting on a love seat across from the couple who were seated on the couch. My good husband rocked quietly in the chair beside me. The room was dead silent except for the sound of rumbling thunder in the distance and the splattering rain pelting down cold and hard on the windows-a metaphor it seemed to me at the time of that cold, hard truth presented by the gentleman. As my eyes filled to the brim with tears, I knew I was going to make a blubbering fool of myself any second, nor could I even glance at my husband. Jen was kind of laying on my shoulder when one of my tears splashed onto her cheek. Immediately she sat up and looked at me through tear filled eyes as if to say, “Oh no! Not you too!” So, of course, leave it to me, now I need to make some superfluous comment through my sniffs and snorts and tears to fill up the silence. “Well, I know what you mean…John and I really, really love and appreciate each other…” But they both sat their and shook their heads. “No,” she said, “it’s not the same…” They then proceeded to tell us the most bittersweet love story I’ve ever heard. I will share bits and pieces of it with you, but you must know, no one would be able to tell their story the way they told it. This man and woman had been married once before and each had suffered the loss of a beloved spouse. The woman lost her husband many years ago and raised a son alone. The man had been widowed about a year when he met this dear woman to whom he was now married. They began their story by sharing with us the marvelous, miraculous way in which the Lord brought them together. And I wish you could have seen them together. So kind, loving and patient toward one another. Laughing-touching-teasing; it was all so much fun to watch them engage and relate. As they told their story they went on about their “first date” and talked about how nervous each one was-of the sweet bouquet of wildflowers he presented her that starry night-and of how she changed her outfit about ten times before he arrived. The entire time their eyes just sparkled and although we were in the room, it was as if they were in a world of their own, laughing and giggling. And they really looked at each other, hanging on the other’s every word. It was as if each was thinking, “If he, (or she) is speaking-it matters to me, so I must give my undivided attention.” While retelling some sophomoric encounter between them she would reach across and slap him on the knee inducing him to throw his head back and howl with laughter. Each embellished the other’s side of the story with iridescent details that sparkled throughout the story. She spoke of when she opened her door that night they first met, and in her own little Texan drawl confessed, “Oh I liked him immediately!” He shot back with; “An’ I was hooked!” The phone calls that followed, more dates and many prayers about how to go forward were all placed in the Lord’s hands that His will be done. They went on to tell how before they met, each one was so lonely, so heartbroken. I just sat there softly crying, blowing my nose, and finally decided to excuse myself momentarily so I could pull myself together and wash my face. When I returned, the woman was just beginning to tell us about her first husband’s last words to her. Forget it-within seconds I was a disaster again! In fact, everyone was in tears.
Well, we had one of two choices at that point-either go our separate ways and cry ourselves to sleep-or sit down to the nice chicken dinner I had prepared. We opted for the dinner. When we finished, our friends needed to go to the store before we brought them to the place they would be staying, so the four of us got in the car and went. When we got to the store and the two of them went inside, it was the first time my husband and I had the opportunity to speak alone about our visit with them. Through our tears we spoke of the Lord’s goodness to us as a couple. About how we truly, deeply, loved and enjoyed one another, and yet, what a profound evening we had experienced filled with reminders, provocations, and even gentle rebukes. The rain, streaming down the car windows made it seem as if the entire world was crying along with us. Soon our friends returned, and we drove them to the place where they would spend the night. As they stepped out of the car, the dear lady leaned back inside and touching my shoulder she said, “I just want you to know that we have had the most enjoyable evening with you people -thank you ever so much…” Then she turned and took her husband’s arm without even looking, knowing by instinct it would be there waiting for her. As they hurried inside out of the rain, I asked my husband,

“Honey-do you think they do this everywhere they go?”
“Do what everywhere they go?”
“Make people cry with their story.”
“It all depends on the audience” was his wise reply.

After that meeting with the couple, we become fast friends. He was an older preacher, nearing the end of a powerful, I would even say intrepid ministry. She was the perfect complement to him in every way and they truly adored each other. We admired them a great deal and we were eager to retell their story whenever we could to many married couples we met along the way-mostly our peers in the ministry. However, the responses to the story were often unsatisfactory to me. There were those who would sit and listen as we told the story and overall, they found it all a bit sad, a bit sweet and somewhat interesting. I call them, “The Observers”. They could not grasp the poignance because, if I may speak plainly, they had nothing with which to compare it. Then there were the “Business Partners.” To them, marriage was a bipartisan effort to get the kids out of the house. The ministry was their business and they each labored fulfilling the duties attached to their respective roles. The last thing on their minds was investing in one another. Next, there were the “Ships that passed in the Night.” These were the couples who really could not grasp the significance and the message in the story because they were traveling in different paths, each one going his or her own way for so long it would be too painful to figure out what went wrong, and so on and on they go. But sometimes, not often, there would be those who would lean forward in their seats, riveted to the story of the memoirs of a couple whose wisdom was only exceeded by their humility in generously sharing lessons learned.
As is the way of it, the gentleman and lady were parted when he went on to be with the Lord more than ten years ago. His wife, much older now, the last I heard, remains alone once more.

Success in marriage is the sum of small efforts which focus on showing love, respect, appreciation, and kindness-repeated every day… It is God’s plan by which our way through this life is strengthened by a union, enjoyed through a unique friendship, and enriched as the years fly by. A strong Christian marriage is a picture of Christ and His church, portraying devotion, selflessness, and purity. As designed by our loving God, it is a strong partnership; a lifelong conversation which always seems too short.

Thank you so much for reading, -Liz