Diva Disorder

There are certain words in the Scriptures with which God only addresses women. Modest is one, incidentally only found one time in the entire Bible. But there are other words we ought to take to heart as well.

Shamefacedness is one. It means to carry oneself with a sense of modesty and respect regarding our behavior before others. In using the word “shamefacedness”, the Bible makes a statement about a woman’s proper demeanor.

Chaste is a word found in Titus 2:5 among a list of instructions for women, which ends with these thundering words, “That the word of God be not blasphemed.”  “Failures in such relative duties” says the great Matthew Henry, “would be greatly to the reproach of Christianity. ‘What are these the better for this-their new religion?’ would the infidels be ready to say.”  Chaste speaks of being innocent, pure and clean from the world. To develop good personal Christian character.

Virtuous is found three times in God’s Word-every time directed to women-worthy, strong, brave-a competent homemaker. The phrase, Keepers at home directed only to women-simply means domestically inclined. That the home be orderly, clean, and run efficiently-a reflection of your efforts. A warm and welcoming home.

And since we are on the topic of things which have a beautiful and orderly appearance, it goes without saying that we ought to take care of ourselves as well. I imagine most hard-working men, though happy enough to come home to a clean, orderly home and the aroma of dinner cooking in the oven, would, in addition, like to come home to a woman who has invested in herself as well. Even when you are having a “tear into the house spring cleaning” kind of day. Invest in yourself-look nice-take the time. It really matters. It is the icing on his cake when everything else is in order in a household for your husband to walk through the front door and be welcomed by a class act of a wife.

But not only for that reason.

Sometimes you can lose yourself– as if to say, “What does it matter?    I have taken care of everyone and everything today.” But it does matter. A parenting truism is that the days may be long, but the years are short. The foundation of your child’s character is laid in those days when they are home with you. Your love, influence and example will live in your children’s hearts forever.  And both girls and boys are affected greatly by how their mothers take care of themselves. It’s true.

But what if you are a woman whose responsibilities do not include a home and family to care for, or maybe the days of raising your children are, to a large extent, over? It is every bit as important and, in all respects, as meaningful-take the time to invest in yourself.

You know girls, there is lot of nonsense out there in the name of Christianity which has absolutely no foundation in the Word of God but is mere opinion. I think one “myth” that has morphed into certain schools of thought is that as long as all the kids are fed and homeschooled, as long as the house is somewhat in order-then that is all that matters. Almost as if there is some kind of “merit” attached to a woman who lets herself go in favor of working overtime with her kids, the house or even a job. But you know this just by looking at creation all around you-God is a God of beauty and order. Our presentation, if you will, matters at home, before our friends and family, and before the world. It goes along with our Christianity. The Virtuous woman was renowned wherever she went-not only because of her works-which were exemplary-but because of her appearance and demeanor.

We are also instructed to be good. Good-in opposition to ungodliness-kind, helpful and charitable in all things, with a cheerful spirit. Not pouty or sullen, not a troublesome kind of woman. Just a blessing-adding quality wherever she goes!

So yes, we ought to strive to fulfil these directives for that is what they are. These are not tips, hints, or little suggestions. If we genuinely want to please the Lord, we need to consider our ways.

Now. There is a tendency among young women today to be divas. Even among professing Christian women-gasp! And truly, in their defense, it has a lot to do with the influences of the culture in which they were raised. Spoiled. Pampered. Overindulged. Excessive. Allow me to explain.

The word diva is the feminine form of the Latin term divus, which meant “god.” And indeed, these women behave as though they are little goddesses prancing around. In English, diva came to refer to a female performer, an actress, known for being “a vain, temperamental, and demanding person who had difficulty working well with others.” Hmmmmm…Christian divas? Sounds like an oxymoron to me.

In today’s self-absorbed, superficial culture, diva attitudes are celebrated. Women are bombarded with “counsel” on all social media platforms that tell us that we “deserve the best” and that as women-“nothing is too good” for us. Life is soooooo hard for women, sooooooo demanding for mothers…Therefore, you need to be pampered and indulged. In fact-you need to be over indulged! So, this is how you should live, these are the superior skin and haircare products, this is what you need if you are preparing to get married, this is how you behave when you’re expecting, this is what people need to understand about you after you have a baby, and you need to have all these things because-whatever the case is-it’s all about you! As long as everyone understands that you are the most important person in the room!

Now just think with me for a minute. Let’s consider former generations of women throughout American history. Let’s narrow it down to, say, the women who survived and thrived during the Great Depression. Did you know that overall, it was the women who held the family together during those profoundly challenging and heartbreaking years? Many men just walked away from their families and deserted their wives and children out of feeling disgraced and hopeless. This came to be known as “A poor man’s divorce.” It is estimated that more than two million men became traveling hobos-riding the railways… So, what did the impoverished women they left behind do? All their energy and spirit was devoted to survival, and to feeding and educating their children. So, they rolled up their sleeves and did it. It was a very selfless generation.

(Incidentally, their children were not provided with countless sensory fidget toys to deal with the stress of going hungry or shoeless. Likely they went outside after school, and if they were fortunate enough to have a small rubber ball among their treasures, they would find a good stick with which to whack it, or go sit down somewhere and clack two rocks together…but I digress…)

What a pull the world can have on us if the Bible is not our greatest and foremost treasure in this life!

The world is setting the standard which, in my opinion is at an all-time low for women, and professing Christian women do themselves great harm in striving for the world’s high-water mark. Why would we not examine all these philosophies in light of the Word of God before we adopt them as our own?

The diva’s attitude always shows up when a diva does not get her way, or when she believes she deserves more than she is receiving. Divas learn incredibly early on to manipulate authority-particularly their fathers or husbands- with tears, tantrums, and threats. Astoundingly, these girls somehow manage to snag some prince of a guy and the next thing you know he is engaging in acrobatics trying to please her. Behaving like a diva is never honoring to God.  Divas are often at the root of conflict, gossip, and even church troubles because they will not receive correction. Divas can create chaos in the home or the church. Giving people the cold shoulder because she did not get her way. One thing all divas have in common is an extraordinarily elevated opinion of themselves and their way of doing things. This behavior is completely contradictory to the teaching of our Lord, and we have to understand there is a strategy by our unseen enemy to turn us away from the Scriptures to the world’s philosophy.  Consider the case of the diva wife. The Bible addresses this as well with deeply convicting verses:

“It is better to dwell in the corner of a housetop than with a brawling(one who causes strife and contention) woman in a wide house.” Proverbs 21:9

“A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious(quarrelsome) woman are alike. Whosoever hideth her hideth the wind, And the ointment of his right hand, which bewrayeth itself. “ Proverbs 27:15

To have a wife such as this is grievous to a man in that there is no pleasing her and no concealing her. “A wise man would hide her if he could,” says Matthew Henry, “for the sake both of his own and his wife’s reputation, but he cannot, any more than he can conceal the noise of the wind when it blows or the smell of a strong perfume.” Ouch.  Now, would you believe divas are not necessarily a product of the 21st century? The early churches had their share of them as well! There were women whose names will forever be on the pages of Holy Writ because of their conduct! Here is just one example:  “I beseech Euodias, and beseech Syntyche, that they be of the same mind in the Lord.” Phil. 4:2

What would it have been like to be present in the service on the first Sunday morning that letter was read to the believers at the church at Philippi? The parchment from Paul arrived, and those early followers of Jesus were likely gathered in someone’s house, eager to hear the words the Apostle had written down for them. And what a letter! A treasure from the start, centered on our Lord. An epistle filled with wise counsel, rich doctrine, and beautiful truths which would encourage the hearts of the believers. But near the end, Paul called out two women in the church by name: Euodia and Syntyche. (Insert grimacing emoji). Evidently these two Christian women were not getting along. And apparently, whomever pastored the church at Philippi was troubled enough about it to relay the information to the Apostle Paul! No doubt the good pastor of the Church at Philippi had counseled them and addressed their behavior yet, it appears the pastor’s word was not good enough for them. The Apostle Paul is addressing these women publicly. Can you imagine! He, in essence, is instructing the pastor to relay this message to Euodias and Syntyche- “Plead with them from me to be of the same mind in the Lord, to keep the peace and live in love, to be of the same mind one with another, not bickering and mistreating each other. How would you like to have been Euodias and Syntyche sitting there that morning? (Incidentally, unity is an identifier in the Lord’s churches…so is disunity.)

In life when we identify a problem, we can endeavor to fix it, correct? So, what are the main challenges with divas?  Divas are self-focused and self-important, so they require constant attention. Divas expect things to go their way and when they do not there is needless drama. They tend to be emotional roller coasters-what makes one person sad has the diva sobbing. Divas are the great justifiers of their bad conduct.

Overall, doesn’t this sound like such selfish, childish behavior? Yet, the greater question becomes, is there hope for her?       If she is a true convert, yes. The Lord will not allow her to live in such a way. She must look to the Word of God and compare the way she is living to what it teaches. We cannot blame our upbringing, our parents or even our ethnicity! I am part Italian, part German and part Irish. In my family there were Italian hotheads-German hardheads and Irish naughty mouths…to put it mildly. When I got saved, I understood those shameful behaviors would have no place in my life-and to blame my sinful conduct on my ethnicity would just be a ridiculous excuse. We forsake our culture when we come to Christ and embrace the Christian culture-and thank the Lord for that!  God’s Word is the Standard. In it God has established the measure of excellence for women. What we owe God can never be repaid, such is the weight of our debt to him for all he has given and done for us. Understanding we are accountable for our attitudes and actions as Christians, may the Lord enable us to continually aspire toward higher ground.

Thank you so much for reading!

Liz