“The Value of a Good Christian Woman” Series

“The Value of being a Role Model and How to be one!”

The virtuous woman in Proverbs 31 is every Christian woman’s role model. The word virtuous means strong-she possesses inner strength through both her pursuit of wisdom and the fear of the Lord. But what exactly are these two worthy goals which every Christian should strive to obtain and maintain? What does the Bible say? Job said, “Behold, the fear of the Lord, that is wisdom.”

The Fear of the Lord– The seventh verse in the first chapter in the book of Proverbs is the key verse to the entire book: “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge” which implies we have so much to learn! Proverbs begins by letting us know what unspeakable advantage the fear of the Lord will be to us throughout our lives. So we must develop it. But what kind of knowledge? “Knowledge of me,” says the Lord. This should compel us to understand what the “fear of the Lord” is. To Fear God means to have that awareness of and reverence for God throughout everything we do in our lives-to regard Him as supreme-as everything! He comes first in everything. Which makes us stop and think- Is He first? “This rule is so much the beginning of knowledge” says the great Matthew Henry, “that those know nothing who do not know this first.” Solomon teaches even if you have every other thing in life: spouses, children, families, relationships, careers, wealth-none will be profitable, fulfilling and a blessing unless we know and love God first.

Wisdom–God’s view of life and how it is to be lived-the Bible says to seek it above everything. Wisdom’s fundamental principle is to fear God.

The world is greatly benefitted by the influence of good women yet, good, godly women are hard to come by these days. The Christian woman adds quality to the lives of everyone around her by being like her Lord, who did always the things that pleased His Father, and who “went about doing good.” It is challenging to estimate the worth and influence of a godly, selfless role model upon someone who needs direction. They help us navigate life-not so much by telling us-but by showing us. I think without them, many would be lost.

I grew up in a home as the oldest child of four, where I never knew what would come next. My parents fought, yelled, and argued and as you can imagine I often found that little world in which I existed most unsettling. Oddly enough, my parents did insist I and my siblings attend church somewhere, so we began attending a small Baptist church in town. Along the way I observed and got to know some really wonderful women.

The first one I will tell you about was my seventy something year old youth director’s wife. She was the kindest, sweetest, most genuine, understanding, witty, most put together, classy older woman you ever met and I loved her to pieces! I was the kid who did not come from one of the “normal” families in church and I can only imagine what my siblings and I looked like tumbling into church on Sundays when my mother dropped us off, the muffler to her old car dragging on the church parking lot…(which was always so much fun for me as a typically insecure young teenager, as everyone entering the church abruptly turned to see what on earth that racket was…insert grimacing emoji). Yet, this woman took such an interest in me and as young as I was, I somehow felt valued by her…and I was. As the years flew by I married and moved 1500 miles away from every person I had ever known and with whom I had grown up. When my good husband and I were expecting our first child, I received an adorable wind-up Teddy Bear from her, festooned with a big red bow around his neck . He played, “You are my Sunshine.” Late one night I received a phone call bringing the sad news that she had suddenly passed away. I sat and cried as I wound up that Teddy Bear for our sleeping baby daughter, “You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are gray…” and silently gave thanks for the kind and beautiful person my youth director’s wife was, and for the difference she made in my life.

Another was my best friend’s mother. She kept a very simple home, raised chickens, two daughters and a son. There was nothing fancy or beautiful about her on the outside-not what you would call a stylish woman yet, she always had dinner on the table at 5:00 when her weary husband dragged himself through the door each night. Sometimes I would go home with my best friend after school. Without fail, something wonderful had been tucked into the oven a while before we arrived and though it was only 4:00- the table was all set for dinner. Often, she would follow us into my friend’s bedroom and plop down on one of the girls’ beds and howl with laughter as we recounted all of our embarrassing moments that one day among the many during our first years of high school. It was as if she could not get enough of what each of us had to say. She showed such interest-laughed at the way we imitated various teachers or at the embarrassing situations we as teenage girls often found ourselves. She listened intently as we poured out our teenage trials and tribulations before her. Problems such as having to babysit for a family in church whose children were just the worst and then suffering the injustice of only being paid fifty cents an hour to restrain the little tyrants! (Big picture stuff, you know.) Then all at once, we would hear her husband’s car pull down their driveway and up she hopped! “Oh, dad’s home!” she would exclaim, and leave us to our silliness. I loved her for all of it. The touch of her beautiful simplicity which made her home a place of comfort and cheerfulness. Such a refuge. The fact that she always wore an apron, and really loved her children. If you walk into my kitchen today, you will see a rack of pretty aprons, one of which I wear at some point almost every single day. I never saw one in my home growing up, but I am sure they are there because a kind woman made such an impact on my life.

Another was my Pastor’s wife. A former model, my young girlfriends and I were wonderstruck by her. You have to understand-as a young teenage girl I had five close girlfriends growing up in that church, and not one of our mothers even wore make up except for maybe a smudge of lipstick at funerals and weddings. Consider that the iconic role model for women back in those days was Jackie Kennedy. I think most of our mothers probably took one look at her on the magazine covers and said, “Well, that’s not happening” and quickly flipped over to the recipe section. We all thought the pastor’s wife was perfect. I mean, her shoes always matched her outfits. She was always impeccably dressed- like she was royalty! She even wore those little “Jackie Kennedy pillbox hats “occasionally and my friends and I idolized her! Her home was a museum and the perfection of her Early American decor was only exceeded by the warmth and welcome I felt whenever I was invited there. I admired her for all these things and though I did not know it at the time I absorbed so much from her.

When you come from a home where these kinds of things do not exist, well, for me I knew there had to be more than just settling for the disillusioning bits and pieces of which my little world was comprised. I dreamed of having a real family one day, one that would be close-knit for one thing-to have such a sense of love, camaraderie, and acceptance. A place where everyone would know how valued they were and where the rooms in that home would ring with laughter as even the teapot whistled along out of sheer happiness. And do you know when I got saved at the age of twenty-one everything changed for me. God put all the pieces of my life together and placed me on the path to have life, “and life more abundantly.” These women and a few more I met along the way lit up my life- they gave me hope.

I imagine they never realized the impact they had on me but their influence was so great.

So let us ask ourselves the tough questions:

Outside of Christ, am I the greatest role model my child has? Am I, by my attitude, actions, and words an asset to my home? Do I prove to everyone around me that the life of a faithful Christian is the greatest life there is to be had and that there is tremendous value in living for Christ? If not-why not?

An interesting thought here-the ancient Greek philosopher Aristotle once said, “Nature abhors a vacuum”, forming that conclusion on the fact that nature requires every space to be filled with something, even if it is just air. In Latin, the expression is, “Horror Vacui” which is translated, “fear of emptiness.” People have an inner vacuum, a void, and are born with a need to fill it. Parents should be right there from the start pouring into that void. And if they are not, there goes that child, roaming and searching. So you see the value of being an excellent role model-not only for your children, but others as well-in the church-at work-anywhere. You fill up the void with your love, discernment, thoughtfulness, and Christianity and point them to Christ so one day he will fill it completely.

And as the saying goes, “Better late than never.” If you are reading this and feeling a bit despondent, thinking perhaps you can never go back and change what has already taken place-please allow me to encourage you-God is a restorer. And while we do reap what we sow, my good husband has maintained for years that you can always change the seed. And new seeds change the harvest. Do you want to be successful? Line yourself up with the Word of God to be certain you are pleasing to him first and set the standards high.

So permit me to share what I see as three great attributes of worthy role- models which will set you on the right course in your endeavor to be one:

1. Self-awareness- “He hath shewed thee, O man, what is good; and what doth the Lord require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God?” Micah 6:8. If any of us desires to be a godly, positive influence in the lives of others, it is important to be aware of the way we come across. We need to possess self-awareness, to perceive how we present ourselves, carry ourselves, and approach others.

Here are some compelling questions:

How do others feel when they see you approaching?

Do they welcome you with open arms or do they feel like running and hiding?

Am I aggressive?

Pushy, pushy, pushy?

In peoples’ faces as they say?

I understand there are some people who do not intend to offend, perhaps they mean well, but it is important to have this sense of self-awareness as a Christian. How would our Lord have us behave in this or that situation? Careful not to justify yourselves in this ladies-change for God’s glory.

2. Empathy. 1 Corinthians 12:26 “And whether one member suffer, all the members suffer with it; or one member be honored, all the members rejoice with it.” Empathy involves being sensitive to the needs of others. Some people are self-appointed “fixers.” They see someone as needy and are determined to “fix that person” However, an empathetic person is discerning-there is a dramatic difference. They are sensitive to the leadership of the Spirit of God which enables them to say the right thing at the right time, and this is what sets them apart. Empathetic souls-and where would this world be without them– are aware that everyone is fighting some kind of battle-they genuinely care, they listen and they are a testimony to their Lord. This is such a basic tenant of Christianity everyone ought to seek it.

3. Approachableness. “Be ye therefore followers of God, as dear children; 2 And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet- smelling savor.” Ephesians 5:1-2 In order to be approachable we need to walk in humility. Christ was approachable and his life personified humility. He gathered children close to him and they were not intimidated or wary of him. He spoke kindness to a humiliated woman, drew a rich young ruler to approach and question him, treated those who were outcasts with such warmth and sincerity they trusted him completely. Approachable people draw others to them because they put them at ease. People find they can trust those who are approachable because they are compassionate and transparent. They have no hidden agenda, no pharisaical aloofness and are genuine in their care and understanding.

You know, the life of a Christian is a life of extraordinary opportunities; circumstances which have potential for eternal consequences. We may never know of the impact we have had for good on someone’s life. To think of ourselves as a good testimony, or as one who has a positive influence on others is one thing. But to be known as and called a true Christian by those who have been impacted by our lives-that is another thing altogether.

Thank you so much for reading,

– Liz