The Grace of Graciousness
John records for us that one day, during the midst of the Jews’ Feast of the Tabernacles, Jesus went up to the Temple to teach. Now, it was the office of the Chief Priests and Pharisees to instruct the people and it thoroughly angered them that Jesus would take their work right out of their hands-especially during this huge feast. This was showtime for them! And, to add insult to their injury the audience of Jews who heard Christ was fascinated by him! “They marvelled saying, How knoweth this man letters, having never learned?” That Christ’s knowledge was unparalleled, entirely unrivaled though he had not been taught, made him astounding in their eyes and the Jews spoke of him here with amazement. This utterly vexed the Chief Priests and Pharisees so they sent officers to arrest him. In the Bible days, the officers were the attendants of the Magistrates, much like a local police force, who often maintained crowd control. These were sent to apprehend Jesus but returned empty-handed. When the stunned Pharisees questioned them as to why they had not seized him, they simply replied with a statement every child of God will wholeheartedly endorse: “Never man spake like this man.” For never did any man speak with such wisdom and grace in the manner Christ spoke. Even those rough and tough representatives of authority were moved and diverted from their appointed purpose.
It was said of Jesus in Luke chapter four verse two: “And all bare him witness and wondered at the gracious words which proceeded out of his mouth…” Think with me for a moment about the gracious words Christ used with such a diversity of people who, in more than a few cases least deserved it: “Daughter! Be of good cheer.”
“Son! Thy sins be forgiven thee.”
“Come unto Me all ye that labour and are heavy-laden. And I will give you rest.”
“But even the very hairs of your head are all numbered”
“Be of good cheer; it is I; be not afraid.”
“Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee?”
“Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid”
Gracious, thoughtful, and uplifting words. They are not ingratiating words. Those who use ingratiating words use flattery to seek to bring themselves into someone’s favor. Christ always spoke the absolute truth and we should want to model him. Our friend Charles Spurgeon wrote, “O, there is nothing that can so advantage you, like the imitation of Jesus Christ.” Amen.
Graciousness is a difficult word to define, yet isn’t it true that we all know when we are in the presence of a gracious person? Graciousness is a character trait that goes a long way in our society and people easily pick up on it because it is rare. It is not something high on the list of modern values, and regrettably, it is not always common among Christians, but it ought to be. Within a biblical context, graciousness is the influence of God’s grace on the life of the believer and the reflection of it to others. Therefore, it is selfless and charitable. Gracious people put those with whom they converse at ease, as they walk through life with a composure and awareness that few possess. Consider how Christ was so approachable! Matthew Henry claims his words would melt the hearts of the hearers as they marveled at him! No one- not a child, a centurion, a leper, a blind man, a sinner, a woman caught in adultery, a demon-possessed woman, a scholar, a lawyer, a guilty, crucified, dying thief, or a desperate woman pleading for the life of her daughter and so many others ever felt intimidated by him, and we should follow Christ’s example.
It has been said that the lack of graciousness in our society is generated by fear and anxiety. But I disagree. That philosophy gives too many people an out for bad behavior. I believe pride is the cause of an ungracious and unchristlike attitude. The self-righteous person thinks more highly of himself than he ought to.
“For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith.” Romans 12:3
According to the Bible, it just comes naturally for us to think too highly of ourselves, even to love ourselves. A good Christian will be mindful to keep these things in check. And yet there is an opinion of self that exceeds natural boundaries. It is excessive and instinctively breeds arrogance, which leads to indifference to others. There is no need to expound upon the glaring example of an inflated sense of self-importance attached to most social media platforms, so we will limit our thoughts to everyday examples of too much self.
One day our Lord was asked what the greatest commandment was.“ Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.”
Now these two Commandments are the foundation of all the rest, you see, and to love our neighbor, our brother, whom we have seen, is evidence of our love to God, whom we have not seen, so the worthy Apostle John enlightens us. So gracious Christians will, due to our regenerated nature, be mindful of our attitudes, words, and actions toward one another. Consider the following:
A gracious woman will always think before she speaks:
Christians should tread lightly when it comes to sharing our exalted opinions about a situation in which some distressed or troubled soul may find themselves. Sometimes, regardless of how a person may seem to be managing a problem on the outside, their very soul is on its knees and even truthful things can be overbearing for someone to hear. At other times, an opinion intended to be some kind of help can be very painful or bring about additional suffering if the one offering it is not mindful to be led by the Spirit. Often timing is everything, and yet some things are better left unsaid. We might assume we know the entire scope of the predicament, but in actual fact, we may comprehend very little and consequently, we can draw some pretty
inaccurate conclusions. Put it to you this way. I grew up around a lot of blue-collar workers. My father was a welder, an uncle had his own plumbing business, another worked for the Post Office and one was a Nassau County Police Officer. Hard-working men who labored with other hard-working men who knew a thing or two. It seemed to me from my wide-eyed, youthful perspective that whenever these men got together someone would mention a guy at work who was a “Sledgehammer tongue.” That always intrigued me because, from a young child, I knew what damage a sledgehammer was capable of and this is why. My father was always building or repairing something around the house. One Saturday morning I sat watching him as he used a sledgehammer to break up some concrete in the yard. Sledgehammers are large, heavy hammers often used for demolition. Well, my father missed the concrete in one of the blows of the hammer and smashed his thumb! Talk about a crime scene! And I remember that for months afterward, his thumb still throbbed with pain. It is the same with sledgehammer tongue people. They crush the ones they come down on. Many times unintentionally, yet they take it for granted that what they feel compelled to share just hits the nail on the head. However, it is not always necessary to pass judgment or give a commentary on someone who is facing a challenge. There are times when it just inflicts further embarrassment or heartache. Like rubbing coarse salt in a wound. You know, making a difficult situation worse for someone.
Scott Kuzel, a great friend of ours and missionary to South Africa is visiting with us as I write this. It is early morning and we are sitting in the back room of our home chatting away, solving the world’s problems. I told him the story of the sledgehammer and my thoughts about those who can be sledgehammer tongues. He responded, “Liz, why do you think some people are like that? Is it just because they are rough around the edges?” (Which was such a gracious thing for him to say compared to what I’m about to say so, allow me to apologize in advance…) I replied that I thought there were two reasons. The first is plain old thoughtlessness. Some people just feel compelled to share whatever pops into their little, tiny heads. Truly, they haven’t the slightest idea of the depth of heartache or gravity someone may be facing, and yet, the lack of discretion; the imprudence of some people can be jaw dropping. Surely we have all known people like this. You are experiencing a personal crisis and someone feels compelled to hold you hostage and assure you she knows exactly how you feel because once her aunt had an awful ingrown toenail…(Do you find me in jest? I genuinely had someone say that to me once when my world was caving in…please insert head-smacking emoji). What in the wide world! Folks like that make you shake your head and move on. But the second reason is some presume to understand the depth of the hurt or apprehension you may be living through and then proceed to spout their lofty ideas about why you are having those troubles. Gasp! This is much harder to bear. I have known people like this, haven’t you? You spy with your little eye from across a crowded room that they are headed straight for you, and, they have a sermon prepared. And you are trapped. And girls, let it be shouted from the housetops: this is just not helpful. Look, for what it is worth here is how I see it:
1. The best people encourage you and love you.
2. The great ones help you to look to the Lord.
3. And the ones who are so sensitive to the Spirit’s prompting, those who understand that sometimes there are just no words– will look at you from across the room and make that beautiful heart shape with their hands and sometimes, that is more than enough.
Graciousness is marked by humility, the foundation of all Christian virtues. Someone has said it is not thinking less of yourself as much as thinking of yourself less. Humility is the correct assessment of self; therefore, this virtue helps us to be intuitively wise in our approach to people.
Graciousness is especially important when you have the upper hand. Where there is an imbalance of power, so to speak. You can tell a lot about a person by what they do when they have the advantage. Some people have tongues as sharp as a serpent’s tooth and they are quick to strike. Often they have an agenda. When you are gracious you quickly recognize when someone is vulnerable and you do what you can to put them at ease. It means you allow others to “save face” because Christians are not vengeful. We do not look for ways to get back at someone or get even, verbally, or otherwise. It should never bring us joy to see anyone else squirm or suffer, nor should we anticipate it even when they have done us wrong. “Rejoice not when thine enemy falleth, And let not thine heart be glad when he stumbleth:” Proverbs 24:17
Gracious people are also known for being tactful. And really, at the core of graciousness is the way we make others feel. That is why a gracious person thinks before she speaks. We carefully weigh our words. Christian tactfulness is the ability to avoid giving offense. It is to be spiritually skillful in situations where other people’s feelings must be considered. It is to use discretion– that strong sense of what is right and appropriate. Someone has said, “It is tact that is golden…not silence.” I just love that.
The Bible teaches that a gracious woman retains honour. Her reputation and dignity remain intact, which speaks volumes of her Christian character. She is an example of the believers in word and conduct. And graciousness leads the way as her own works praise her in the gates.
Thank you for reading,
– Liz
